I was feeding the wolf that lets fear win. The one who whispers things like: “give up on your dream, stop teaching and writing and take care of your daughter” in my heart.
I know him well this whisperer of the dark who wants to win me over to give him company – after all, I’m thinking, it’s lonely where he lives!
Please know, whatever you experience, you can all too quickly feed the wrong wolf.
I did it this week. And, thank god, I noticed.
I thank my practice, the awareness skills I have acquired that let me make wise choices in times of struggle. These skills don’t need to whisper. They speak clearly and use words like surrender, courage, and love into my ears. And: don’t give up.
In the fabulous book by Pema Chodron “Taking the Leap,” I learned a lot about not giving up. She shares this story:
A Native American grandfather was speaking to his grandson about violence and cruelty in the world and how it comes about.
He said it was as if two wolves were fighting in his heart. One wolf was vengeful and angry, and the other wolf was understanding and kind. The young man asked his grandfather which wolf would win the fight in his heart. And the grandfather answered:
“The one that wins will be the one I choose to feed.”
This is our challenge, right? Which wolf are we going to feed?
I’m committed to doing whatever I can to help turn things around when conflicts double over and roadblocks appear that make it impossible to believe I can get to the other side.
“Can I fulfill my dream of finding a place my daughter belongs to after I die? Or sooner? Like now? When almost everything I try fails? And the only one who still believes to make it happen is me?”
I don’t know anybody who’s not experiencing this struggle when life dealt us cards that are painful to accept or read.
But, after a pause, another breath, a visit with my trees, I can choose which wolf I’m going to feed. No, the problems don’t disappear. And no, not everything happens for a reason. But what I choose to learn from it, matters. It determines how I walk my path.
Even if I break down, cry hard, and feel hope- and helpless, I can get up, do the next step and find softness in stillness as I breathe. And slowly I can feel myself be whole again. Strong enough to leap over the roadblock to the other side.
It is so much better to have this more gentle wolf on my side.
It doesn’t take much time to be in his company, but the willingness to pause and reflect. And do it over and over again.
Hop on a
• Become conscious of what’s going through your mind
• Connect to your body with your breath
• Feel, what emotions are present?
• Relax, soften your grip. It’s just a moment in time.
• Let go!
• Which wolf are you going to feed?
This practice turns things around for me.
It will give you clarity of what’s going on, and yes, the choice is always yours!
Do you feel helpless? Is the angry wolf barking and robbing you of the skill to move on? Check out my online offering. All my classes work with embodied mindfulness. A skill we all need to discern what choices we make.