​Remember no matter where you are or how you’re feeling, the next step, the next breath is always possible. The future is open – right?

Find a TINY ISLAND below…they her best friends and life savers!

My path is rocky, more so the last few days. I know it will pass. It always does.

So here I am.  I’d love to master it all, telling myself: “come on,  just finally get this. You know of her challenges like no other. You got the tools, the awareness, the knowledge, the wisdom.”With that, I mean the ability to keep a distance to my daughter’s limitations, her triggers or chains if you will all to quickly can become mine. They are strong, they are mirroring everything I’m still learning. Yet, she doesn’t function like us. Her brain understands the world differently.

She takes me by surprise with all; her brilliance and limitations. Like on the spot, she withdraws and time doesn’t exist. Something that worked a minute ago is gone now.

I feel like I’m never prepared what comes next. And, don’t we all have a craving for security, knowing it doesn’t exist? I never know will she show up or not. I’m always the space holder, walking behind her, next to her and in front of her. All at the same time while keeping my own rhythm, my own sacred space in tact.

That’s the tough job of a special mom with a high-functioning autism daughter. “I should master this,” I hear the voice say. “Be centered. Don’t react. Stay calm. Keep a distance. Don’t bite the hook.”

I do. I fail. I try again. I do better. And try again.

There is a pain in the failing. A heavy cloud darkens our life. There is disharmony in my family when the dark escalates into black.  Insecurity and fear find easy entry. They are suckers who want to win.

I go to my Tiny Islands for help. Many times a day I choose to      p a u s e    to find clarity in my humanness.

Nature is one island. It heals.

So I went to my hill. Stood in silence and let the sounds of nature soften my grip, my fear of not being able to handle what was given to me. I opened my eyes to be in awe. I didn’t look or search. I relaxed my eyes; I let my eyes receive and speak to me.
The sky, the moss underneath my feet, the trees, the fresh and moist air on my skin. Life, life is breathing everywhere and filled my tired heart with trust, forgiveness and understanding.

No feeling is final. 

I got this. Will I never be triggered again? Or course. It’s how life is meant to be lived. But I can use my awareness to be present, honest and raw. Not filtered – not covered up – not diluted.

TINY ISLAND
Pause. 20 seconds.
Breathe in and breathe out with a sigh.
Notice

  • your body
  • your breath
  • sensations
  • feelings
  • thoughts

Notice

  • sounds
  • the space you’re in
  • who else is present?

Accept what you notice. No judgment. It is what it is. 
Breathe in and breathe out with a sigh.

Remember: we can always do the next breath, the next step. The future is open.

With love,
🌳ManuelaPS: Joy is the antidote to defeat…

Author

Manuela Rohr is a writer and Yoga teacher/therapist BDY/EYU, C-IAYT. With roots in Germany she now lives with her husband and daughter in Santa Rosa, CA.  She is the mother of a micro preemie girl and shares her healing journey in her blogs and teachings. She shares her transformational Yoga and Mindfulness lessons in workshops and private sessions.