Yesterday was a hard day for me. I crashed with my daughter who doesn’t step up to her plate besides other issues. A ton of small rumbles piled up and suddenly there was a grown-up thunderstorm. We’re both fighters, we both can heat up and burn. And equally we can let go and forgive.
Whenever I feel depleted, I retreat to Pema Chodron’s books and help appears: “Things don’t really get solved…”
Today I vowed to keep my hands soft on the steering wheel, sit back a bit and scrolled through the whispers I have shared with you so far. I found out I’m writing them since January 2018!
Wow, that’s amazing! I thought. That’s over two years!
As I read a few of them I felt a nod towards Pema’s words: Things don’t really get solved…
I share the highlights and lowlights of my life in my whispers. My dreams, hopes, and the lost dreams. Everything about yoga, breathing, and mindful living. Trees, dancing, cooking. Sarina and loving. Plus, all I discover on my journey that supports us to transform suffering into freedom. One tiny step at a time.
I’m a writer who loves to write as much as I’m a yogi who loves to teach. Story and yoga have the power to heal and transform both the giver and the receiver.
Both professions ask me to stand up, show up, and risk being vulnerable. Both gift me the courage to use my voice, a healthy body, a wakeful mind, friends and the practice of self-reflection.
In my story The Broken Dream published in the fall of 2019 in the book Winning in Live and Work*, I share what I needed to learn to thrive and not break by the challenge of raising a special needs child.
*Want to read it? I have a few copies for sale at my house. I’d love to sign one for you!
In 2003 the 24/7 care-taking had taken its toll. Sarina was thirteen years old. I had given up teaching and lot’s of things I love. I was exhausted. All I could think and speak about had to do with my girl. It was also the time I had to accept a hard truth: Sarina would not outgrow her challenges as predicted. She would live with her hiccups* for the rest of her life.
*she calls her challenges hiccups.
I had to ask myself the most important question of my life: “Who else am I besides the mother of my child?”
In my work with special needs moms, this is the hardest one to ask and find an answer to.
You might know my answer.
I’m a teacher, a healer, and so much more. While my girl will always come first, the other parts of who I am are needed to complete the mosaic of my life.
What do I have to accept every day? My reality; my time is limited with Sarina at home. Letting there be room for all to happen, is brilliant advice. I’m breathing in and out as I reflect on my life. It’s not easy, isn’t it?
What in your life is difficult for you? Choose one issue at at time and reflect.
I choose to sit with the hard stuff, acknowledge the pain it brings, accept what I can and accept that there are parts I cannot accept.
Accept what I cannot accept. This is a practice. It has brought healing into my life. I can let this truth be part of who I am at this time.
Please take good care of yourself as things come together and fall apart again!
Me stepping up to my calling to write and teach every day saves me from breaking now. COVID-19 has tightened my chains; I have less time than before. I want to scream about this injustice; the 24 -7 is back. Who would listen?
Do you have extra time on hand? Cherish it and do the most important thing now – Grow your self – love and care for this YOU. Soulful self-care is needed and possible. It has a ripple effect. Share who you are generously.
My daughter, a young woman now is in the high risk group but doesn’t understand what it takes to stay safe. She suffers losses as we all do and hopes for help from my side: “Mom, no graduation, no moving out, nowhere to go?” “No,” I say, “not now.” “I miss my bubble tea. Can we not order in?” Bubble tea is what 🍷 is for me!
🌴 A Tiny Island Moment
Let’s take a deep breath right here right now. Be present with whatever is happening. A tiny life time is in front of you, arrive and move through to the other side. Enter the next one and repeat. Healing happens in allowing thing to be.
As I keep writing, I’m wondering how this all will sound to the reader in a year from now? I hope we’re all here on a Wednesday reading!
The gift of reflecting on my life back in 2003 gives me peace. I learned what is important to me. I’m teaching—almost every day online right now. That is a glorious gift from the sky!
Hands softly on the steering wheel is now a truth we all get to practice!
🌷Embracing you with love,
P.S. I didn’t run my letter through a spell checker today. If you hop on a few typos 😉, smile and if you like let me know. I’m learning as we go!
Join me Mo-Fri at 11 am P.T. via zoom:
I’m a night owl and an early bird… that’s when I write… I’m part of this amazing book project, scroll down… see my name? 💗 … more soon!