DEAR FRIENDS OF SARINA, I WROTE THIS LETTER TODAY BECAUSE MY HOPES NEEDED A VOICE.

I BELIEVE THAT GROWTH HAPPENS IF WE BALANCE EFFORT WITH SURRENDER. BUT WHAT ARE WE SURRENDERING TO? I LEARNED THIS ON MY MAT:

I MUST BE CURIOUS AND PRESENT ENOUGH TO BALANCE MY PERSISTENT EFFORT TO REALIZE A GOAL WITH THE CORRESPONDING EASE THAT I AM TRULY SUPPORTED AND CARED FOR.

I HAVE TO SHOW UP BUT I DON’T HAVE TO DO IT ALONE 

IS THE SHORTER VERSION OF THAT THOUGHT. TO CLEARLY ASK FOR CLARITY AND SUPPORT IS WHAT I LEARN TO DO NOW. THE NOT DOING IT ALL ALONE IS MY LIVES LESSON.

Dear Universe,

I know you know this young woman. She is your daughter as much as she is mine.

​I have some questions for you.

“Can you hear me? This week I  feel I am using the wrong frequency to get in touch with you.”

“Of course I hear you. I see you right now looking out of the window marveling at the beauty of the land.”

“Oh, great. You know I see everything. I hug my trees. I, not for ones have I driven by Adam without saluting to him.  I am on my mat most mornings. And if I’m not it’s because I am journaling. I seek support from my angel deck. I honor my crystals, carrying one in my bra right now. Nature is my sanctuary. But, don’t distract me with that now.”

“Oh, wow… slow down. What’s burning?”

“See, that’s precisely it. I have asked you as nicely as I could to empty my nest. What did I overlook to make this happen?”

“Everything takes time.”

“You hit the spot. Listen, I am fed up. I am suffocating. And so is my daughter. I bargained for six months to have her move back home. Knowing darn well what sacrifices that will bring. I did it wholeheartedly. You know that. I put my dream on hold. So I can help her create hers. That’s my job. No regrets.  She is living up it. Even in the mids of our city being on fire, she studied her books. Thank you. But… just to update you – it has been 9 months and 7 days today.”

“Breathe. Mschen breathe.”

“Ha, you’re doing it again. You are giving me advice like the rest of the world. I hate you.”

“ups, no I don’t hate you, sorry. But from my point of view, you’re not stepping up to the plate. You are leaving me hanging. Mulberry did not get licensed. In case you were too busy to pay attention. I moved Sarina’s belongings yesterday. Said goodbye to the beautiful place she should be living in by now. I did let it go.”

“Good job.”

“Sorry, that’s not good enough. I keep my to-do list in the dust. I will be out hugging Adam as soon as I push send. I breathe. I pray. I ask for help. What else do I need to do?”

“I hear you.”

“And?”

“Why are you not answering? All I need is a phone call from that one place within our reach that has an opening for her. What’s so damn hard for you to arrange this for us? Sarina is ready. We are.”

“What else?”

“Your promise for my empty nest is three months late. Every day is a challenge. I master it most days, and I blow up on others. I am rooting for you.”

“Yes. I’ll put my foot down for you now. “

“O.k. I trust. I surrender. Let that phone ring.”

“I count on you.”

“T O D A Y!”

Love,
Manuela
Brave warrior heart – Chain breaker – Unfuckwithable*

“I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of your heart’s longing.”
                                                                                                                               Oriah Mountain Dreamer

* as mentioned by Vishen Lakhiani