Happy New Year!
Here we go. A new decade is before us, and my first whisper of 2020 holds my intention for the year:
Hands off the steering wheel!
It’s a big one. It will be a challenge. “Who will drive the car if I let go?”
The idea to make this my 2020 motto first reached me in a conversation with my friend James a few weeks ago. He channeled the sentence to me when we talked about the struggles I have with my special daughter Sarina.
When he said: “Hands of the steering wheel,” I didn’t want to hear it. “If I take my hands off, we crash.” Read my conversation with James here: http://bit.ly/37uxuhk
But this wasn’t about the daily struggle, no matter how real or exhausting they are. I’m committed to accept my life, struggles included. I live by what I first read in Cheryl Strayed’s book “Brave Enough”: “We must help ourselves. After destiny delivers what it delivers and we’re responsible for our lives.”
This was about trust. About to accept what we cannot change. Too much effort will not change it but bring exhaustion and defeat at the end. For trust to be present we need to know that we’re not into this alone.
Trust! I let the word reach my heart and reflected. My trust wore thin in the last few years. Will Sarina make it?
The disappointments of the last few years wear heavy, my efforts to find a place for Sarina did not deliver. To accept this is hard for me, and daily life with her is toxic. I’m experiencing the opposite of what I had set out to do. I was 100% convinced Sarina would be in her own community by now. To turn the wheel I have been steering too hard to make this work and feel betrayed that my efforts did not bring the results I was convinced would be granted: an empty nest for me which equals a nest of her.
I want to steer lighter this year!
I know fear has moved in again. In the broken moments of my life, fear tucks at my scarred heart and lets me ask the question: “Will I see my daughter thrive before I die.”
👉Do you know this feeling?
Take a deep breath here with me. Breathe in – pause – out – pause. Repeat and let go a little. In breath practice the moment we pause after the exhale and allow the breath to breathe us are the moments we built trust. Trust that we can receive the breath! We don’t need TO DO the breath!
Awareness is a truth-finder.
And fear is clearly the enemy of trust.
The conversation with my friend stirred this truth for me. To let trust in we need to let go of attaching ourselves to our future with the hands gripping the steering wheel. A hard one to do for a special needs parent. But I know this to be true no matter the challenges.
And as always in my life helpers showed up!
I looked at my schedule. My yoga workshops for the coming months had effort and surrender at its core. Coincidence? No way. In over thirty years of teaching, I have learned to teach what I need to learn. And more often than that magic happens and the themes choose me! Golden learning is delivered! If we listen!☺️
Yoga’s philosophy calls effort and surrender the divine couple.
The feminine Shakti and masculine Shiva.
Effort and surrender complement each other. They are like bird’s wings.
Imagine a bird right now take flight; with effort, it takes off, both wings work in harmony. And then the glorious moment happens when the bird glides! Surrender at its purest.
A bird couldn’t fly with one wing and never reach the south in winter without the balance of both wings.
Do I trust enough to glide? No, not in my life with my girl lately. I had slipped off balance.
I chose Hands off the steering wheel to cultivate the gift of surrender.
What if I crash when I take my hands off is not a question I want to feed anymore. I want to harvest surrender as a result of my effort.
And I will start to strengthen my surrender muscle on my yoga mat!
An effort is needed to show up on our mat or any other place we go to for growth. To move your body, hold a posture, stay present to the challenges, your edge, your breath, your likes, and dislikes. Right there is the chance to find the balance between effort and surrender! Then you pause, stand still to feel your body and like the birds, you glide and savor the fruits of your effort.
Of course, more helpers appeared😇. I bought this recycled gift back at a gallery. I loved the colors, and the girls smile. Now, as it set on my co-driver seat holding a gift for a friend I saw the girl’s message. It made me smile:
👉Do you look for tiny helpers/signs like this? When out of nowhere an image or something else appears that lets you pause for a moment and you feel your head shake in awe as you recognize the message is sent to you. To support you on your journey!
I do! “There are no ordinary moments,“ by Dan Millman fits this sentiment.
My wish to glide already lifts me up. Climbing our trees on Christmas in funny suits delivered the joy of the first picture in this blog and proof that I can do this.
My life theme is to Embrace What’s Possible. I believe a wish is always possible and the first step in the right direction we can take.
👉Do you have a wish for 2020? Share it with me in the comments.
To support you here is a
🌴 Tiny Islands
- put your hand over your heart
- breathe in
- breathe out
- feel your breath touch your hand
- breathe in – imagine the bird take flight
- breathe out – and glide
🌴✨🐘 EMBRACE WHAT’S POSSIBLE!
With a happy heart into 2020💗
P.S. 2020 will bring you a Sunday 🎁. Each Sunday I will share one of my 365 🌴Tiny Islands with you! You will have gathered 52 by the end of the year!!!
Join my mailing list to receive them and to be inspired. We can practice taking your hands off the steering wheel together! Let’s do this!